Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize