there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
