its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
