just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
