between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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