Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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