i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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