I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
