So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Farmville is her only friend.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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