Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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