just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
