she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i believe in u and ur pee
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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