I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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