I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
