best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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