don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize