I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
