isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
