so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
