We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
