My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
