I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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