The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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