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and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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