Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
