I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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