i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
