Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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