I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i dont even know how to be here
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
