I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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