She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
