look no pants
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
