Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
