he thought i was a dude.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize