I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
