he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
