his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
