Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
