Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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