..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
