Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
