a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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