i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
