I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
