Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
