I feel great
I just peed on a car
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
40s are totally the cure
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
