worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
