I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you never un-have a 4some
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