We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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