Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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