i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
