Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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