the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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