She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
