I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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