you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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