and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
