My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
