Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
