I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
