This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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