I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
