Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
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