smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
