i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
