Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
