Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
