She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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